I officially hate Dr. S. What a fucking dipshit a-hole.
I get a call at 10:15 this morning to come in for a blood test. I rush to the doctor’s office so I can make my 11 am Pilates class. Thankfully, I didn’t miss Pilates or I’d be even more pissed off. My doctor will now be referred to as the Ass-hat. Ass-hat called me this afternoon. I thought about letting the call go to voicemail and caved at the last minute.
Ass-hat: What’s going on? Why did you come in today? [ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? I came in b/c I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test. I called your fucking stupid office and simply said, "I got a faint positive, what's the next step?" The receptionist said, "I'll pass on the message to the Ass-hat." Apparently, you advised someone in your office to call me to give fucking blood you fucking ass-hat.
Me: I got a faint positive on a pregnancy test.
Ass-hat: When was your last period? [Dude, don't you have my fucking chart in front of your fucking face, you fucking moron???]
Me: Let me check my calendar…. June 6th.
Ass-hat: Why did you take a pregnancy test? Is it because you missed your period? [If I could have reached through the phone and slapped the shit out of him and punched him in the teeth I would have been happy.]
Me: It was the weekend of the 4th and there were parties to go to… I wanted to know how much fun could be had.
Ass-hat: *The ass-hat chuckles* Well did the results keep you from having fun? [At this point I'm ready to fucking throttle the man.]
Me: Uhm, yeah.
Ass-hat: Well your HCG is 4.5. I don’t know what that means. It could be HCG from the prior pregnancy. We just don’t know.
Me: So can I just ignore this?
Ass-hat: Not if that means you’ll do anything to jeopardize a possible pregnancy. You need to come back in about 2 weeks to get more blood work.
Me: Well that’s great. I have to behave like I’m pregnant for 2 weeks.
Ass-hat: Well, you can come into the office in a week.
Me: Forget it. I’ll be in 2 weeks. BYE.
What about a DOUBLE FUCK YOU??? I loathe the man. Detest him. All I want is a pitcher of prickly pear margarita.
